Tuesday, April 03, 2007
i finally decided to let her go after seeing her suffer for days.
it all started like this...
she was fine until i found out that she had diarrhoea. at first i thought, it was wet tail again so i gave her the medicine she once took before. 2 days later, her diarrhoea was cured. but then she still didnt want to drink water and that really worries me. i hestitated to bring her to the vet since she was still able to eat. and after that diarrhoea, i noticed that her fur around her ass was like shedding. and scrutinizing her ass , you could notice that there were some stuffs growing. However, i think it was okay. next observation- she lost weight(not tremendously but slowly) and so i thought it was ageing. a common sign of hamsters moreover she's like bout to hit 2 years old in a few more months. few weeks later, she eats very little and usually she will rush towards the food and chew them or store them in her cheek pouch. however, things didnt look like what it should be. she didnt even bother bout it or it took her sometime to realise that the food was placed there. and in some cases, she can eat and the next few secs, she was resting! you can see how lethargic she was. and i thought again- ageing! fine.. so that's another excuse for me not bringing her to the vet. and after a few more days... things got worst. she cant walk! she was dragging her lower body. Using her full might to push herself forward using her front legs! and i thought again that maybe she has injured her hind legs. i blame myself for hestitating as i kept thinking it's ageing. so it's okay ... sooner or later she will leave peacefully. i am a selfish bastard! i should have brought her to the vet IMMEDIATELY! not until today that i feel that she has shrunk to a slightly bigger size of a 12ml correction pen! it was just the fur that makes her look fluffy! she was so light when i carried her in my arms before she see the vet. she was having spasms. the conditions were unbelieveable painful for me to see! her legs were twitching without the body moving! she cant control her body! she cant flip herself over when she laid on her back! there's once she was even ' twisted'! trust me! it's so painful to see her like that. we have to use our hands to flip her body over. the diagnose was that she suffered from a breakage of spine which causes her to lose control of her lower body. she looks totally fine and bright (which deceived me and stopped me from bringing her RIGHT away to the vet). she was one month to 2 years old, her bones were brittle and fragile. a slight lil fall could have been the caused of this. uncontrollable tears just came pouring down as the diagnose was told. painkillers can be fed to sustain and stop the pain however the crucial period is the next 48 hours which i CANT take it anymore and thus i decided to put her to sleep!
i think that im a murderer. i know that animals cant talk and we, humans have to make the decision for them. I was very sad to see her go. i felt inhuman for a minute as i was heading back to hall from home as one less burden to worry bout. i hope that God will forgive me for what i have done. hope that God will be by her side in the other paradise. forgive me, my Lord.
to my beloved hamster,meowmeow, i will always remember you! love you!
02042007 . 1200nn .
im sorry .
